I feel like someone wrote a slapstick comedy about an inept FBI tracking a mistakenly identified criminal and through their own incompetence and sheer luck she keeps slipping through their fingers. Unfortunately, when this movie was pitched, the studio wasn’t interested in that particular genre but they did have room for some 'Christmas Romance' movies. Thus a quick rewrite occurred and 'Dashing Through the Snow' was born! I don’t if you will be able to find a less Christmas themed topic than a movie about inept US law enforcement and domestic terrorism until the new ‘A Merry Organ Harvesting Christmas’ movie finally gets produced.
Meet Ashley Harrison, played by Meghan Ory, a crafts artist with horrible luck with her love life who is desperate to catch a flight home for the Holidays. When checking in at security, she is told to wait while security makes a call. Seeing that all the flights are either delayed or cancelled, instead of waiting she decides to rent a car for her journey instead. Alas, the airport is completely out of rental cars save one remaining vehicle. Before she can contract that one, the car is rented by Dash (Andrew Walker) who cuts in front of her and pays for the car first. Since both are heading the same way, a guilty Dash offers to share the ride if Ashley pays for fuel. Dash claims to be on his way to see his mother so Ashley asks to speak to his mom on the phone and do your standard Axe Murderer check. Sure, I would like to think that if a serial killer hasn't been discovered by the authorities that you might still get a cautionary warning from his mother (Well he did like to torture and maim small animals as a child and he's had terrible luck with neighbors and roommates disappearing over the years.) but I think this is overly optimistic.
It is not long on their journey before Dash discovers that Ashley is a crafter who loves Christmas and proves it by decorating their rental car (and if that seems odd, remember, she knits Christmas sweaters for a living.) with said crafts. She also likes to sing Christmas songs (even in grocery stores) and likes to talk about Christmas non stop (seems like a keeper so far!). We also find out that she’s being tracked by the FBI since she escaped the airport (And when I say escape, I mean she walked over the to the car rental counters and left in a rental car. She didn’t escape her prison transport bus and jump from the storm drain of a dam into a raging river hundreds of feet below in the style of ‘The Fugitive’ or anything like that,). Fear not general public, the FBI is hot on the case! Around this time the rental car breaks down and our fugitives try, unsuccessfully, to wave down a ride from passing traffic. They have no cell service or luck getting a ride so they start hiking to the next town. The movie then introduces us to a couple of teenage boys working in a coffee shop in a side story that, I can only assume, was mostly left on the editing room floor because it added absolutely nothing to the structure of the story. Ash and Dash converse on their walk to town where, to further reiterate to viewers, Ash is the one who has true Christmas Spirit and Dash is the ‘Bah Humbug’ Christmas Grinch portion of the duo. When they finally arrive to a garage where their car is towed, Ashley makes a suspicious call.
Outside the garage, Ash finds a box of puppies owned by your typical scary but sweet biker gang member who believes in fate and personal auras. So now Ash, Dash and their puppy, Lil Blade, are all on their way to Seattle while being closely followed by 'Agent Useless'. Despite all the intelligence suggesting the opposite, the FBI task force leader is convinced they are onto something huge! Back on the road, Ashley discusses her dad, her vast knowledge of the interstate highway system and his service time in Afghanistan (which she found out by calling his mom again). They arrive at a Christmas themed store and restaurant in Mistletoe, Oregon where Ashley helps a little girl decorate a tree. Christmas loving Ash and distant Dash have dinner and talk about the holiday celebration in Ashley’s hometown and the hay rides that her father used to provide the townfolk before he passed. She is determined to get home and make sure her mother isn’t alone for Christmas. They banter about movies and Ashley grabs Dash’s phone to call his mother. It’s at this point in the movie we discover that his “mother” is actually a female FBI agent and Dash is part of Ashley’s surveillance team.
While Ashley is walking Lil Blade, she and Dash almost have a romantic moment but it is ruined when Dash spots the FBI surveillance car he rushes them back on the road. We now find out that their conversations inside the car are also being monitored in the FBI command center. While they stop in their next town for the night the two pointless teen characters from earlier switch plates with them. The FBI tail vehicle loses the couple in traffic when some kids with a Christmas tree cut in front of him. The FBI is now forced to put out an APB on the rental vehicle because even though they are using their undercover agent's cell phone to record conversations they don’t possess the technology to track that cell phone’s location or the wherewithal to install any of the popular and public phone apps that already do that. The couple reaches Salem, Oregon and get a hotel room (There is only one room and they have to share because IT IS a Christmas Romance movie.). They go to dinner where Dash finds out that Ashley had her identity stolen a few years ago (I guess the FBI doesn’t even have the ability to pull a credit report). Ash then helps out two deaf men order dinner using her sign language skills and agrees to dance with one of them (I’m not saying deaf people can’t dance but . . . why would they want to?).
Around this time Dash has become completely convinced that Ashley is caught in a case of mistaken identity (though his supervisors won’t believe him) and on their way back to the hotel they finally share a kiss. Later in the hotel Dash admits that after Afghanistan he joined Homeland Security and was with the FBI working undercover to keep tabs on her. Unfortunately, Ashley slept through the whole conversation so only the viewer learns this. Dash's frustration with his superiors led him to leave his surveillance phone in the bar the night before. Naturally, the FBI now believes he has been exposed/incapacitated or kidnapped by super terrorist Ashley Harrison. While getting coffee for the two of them in the morning, Dash runs into an incredibly nosey and seemingly clairvoyant charity Santa who tells him that he’s in love and needs to open up to the Christmas Spirit. I’d like to say this scene wasn’t unnerving and super creepy but if I were in Dash’s shoes . . . I think I would have just pulled out my sidearm and put two in Santa's chest. I’m sorry but when a grown man in a Santa suit pops out of nowhere to ask if you believe in Santa and then seems to know personal facts about you . . . I’m sorry . . . shoot first and ask questions later.
They continue on their journey. Dash is about to repeat what he tried to tell Ashley the night before but before he can, she asks him to make a stop at a friend’s place. By now the FBI has figured out the plate switch (after busting the teenage boys and a mom in their coffee shop) and believes it is just another evasive tactical move by criminal mastermind Ashley Harrison. Outside the house of Ashley’s friend, Dash does some looking around only to discover that the house is surrounded and when Ashley leaves the house, they arrest her and the truth about Dash being an FBI agent is finally exposed.
Once the FBI realizes it spent thousands of dollars and hundreds man hours to bust a house full of Romanian holiday craft-people, Ashley is released and returns home. She laments to her mother that she fell in love with Dash (Wow, she really DOES have bad luck with men) during their journey. To further emphasize this point (or extend the movie's length) we get a quick montage with scenes of them together during their trip. Somewhere out there, Dash must have also seen this same movie montage in his head because he decides to make one grand gesture to show Ash loves her. The obvious move here is to show up at her hometown Christmas Festival driving an excessively decorated tractor pulling a hay wagon. Well, you are going to be shocked but . . . it works! All is forgiven! Then again, this is a woman seems like she would wear a Disney backpack to her college classes, still believes in Santa Claus, dresses up for Halloween every year and fell in love with a guy who was emotionally distant and stand offish almost the entire time they spent together . . . . sooooo . . . it’s probably not much of a stretch to imagine she’s easily swayed by any small act of kindness (though that Tractor was REALLY decorated. I mean there are probably Christmas stores with fewer decorations than this thing had.)
Let’s face it, the plot was only memorable in how ridiculous it was. Andrew Walker is a staple of these romance movies and does them pretty well but here he was simply solid and handsome. Meghan Ory is the one who really carried this movie. It is worth watching just to see her character’s holiday enthusiasm and childishness. I give it a 2.5 out of 5.
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