Noelle (these Christmas movie names are sometimes getting almost as cheesy as Bond Girl names) is a department store Human Resources Director played by Candace Cameron Bure. Finding a Christmas Movie starring Candace is about as easy as finding a pickup truck parked outside a rodeo. She’s probably into the double digits of these types of movies. Noelle is tasked with coordinating the special Town Christmas Fire Department Fundraiser Dance yada yada yada for the store. The store owner demands the event be high-class, cultured and ummmm . . . . basically stuffy and boring. Because we all know how ‘Department Stores’ are considered one of the last bastions of elegance and décor so we have an important image to protect!!! God forbid that Sears or Walmart find out we didn’t throw a tasteful affair. She also has a weenie son Alex, played by Kristian Bruun, has absolutely no backbone when it comes to dealing with his mother.
Noelle as has either a deep love and appreciation (or disturbing obsession, depending on your point of view) of shoes. Naturally what comes next is a mixture of Guardian Angels and a Christmas Carol (nothing screams Dicken’s quite like an abnormal shoe fetish). We are then introduced to Fireman Jake (Luke MacFarlane), all around good guy beloved by his co-workers (Don’t worry, this will tie in later). Noelle has a talk at the store with her bestie Lorna (Tenika Davis) where we learn she’s been dumped by her boyfriend, gave up her real passion (photography), has a weak relationship with her father and has an all around pretty sad, pathetic and lonely life. That night at her apartment she runs into (literally) Jake who is moving into the unit above hers.
The next day at work Weenie Alex asks Noelle to research a former employee for something he is doing for his snobby and erudite mother. While looking through some old records in storage they close the store due to a huge snowstorm and lock her inside (I guess basically reaffirming what Lorna had previously said about her having a sad life where no one gives a crap about her, not even Lorna!). She calls Weenie Alex who promises to rescue her but while she waits, she encounters Charlie (Jean Smart), her Guardian Angel. Charlie gets Noelle to put on some magic shoes that transport to a time when she wore entirely too much makeup for just hanging out at her apartment. It also happened to be 3 years prior when her boyfriend broke up with her on Christmas Eve (That’s sweet) and she became jobless since she he was a photographer and she was his assistant. This is where she takes a temporary HR position at the store but is still working at it with no desire to go back to anything else.
Then Charlie and Noelle are transported into the future she would have had were she to have stuck to photography where she owns her own studio and is married. At that moment someone opens the front door, says “Honey, I’m home!) but before she can see who it is she is transported back to the store. At this point she returns to the store right before the Fire Department breaks in to rescue her. (To quote famous Television character Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”) one of the Firemen who rescue her is none other than, you guessed it, Jake. Noelle tells then there is another woman trapped in the store (Not where I would have gone after Charlie confirmed her story about being an angel through the use of her magical powers of time travel but . . . whatever.). The Firemen are unable to find anyone else in the store (duhhhh) an suspect Noelle is just a complete and total nutjob or delusional or something like that.
The next day after work she arrives at her apartment to be accidentally wounded by Jake who is exchanging fire with a gang of street thugs outside the building. Actually, it’s just a stray snowball from a snowball fight between Jake and some kids from the neighborhood (Seriously, the guy is cute, sweet, super attractive and good with kids. How is Noelle not absolutely throwing herself at him by now?). She also gets a phone call at this time to let her know her Fire Department Liason for the ball will be Jake (ohhhh . . . myyyyy . . . Goddddd. Noelle it’s FATE!!!). She finds Charlie in her apartment and asks if Jake is the guy from the future vision (Well it sounds like she might be coming around right?). The next day Noelle and Jake go to check out the venue. Jake wants fun, whimsical and over the top Christmassy but Noelle informs him that her boss has a 48 inch, golden candy cane stuck up her arse and will go for that like . . . NEVER. They leave the building and find there are no cabs but luckily, Charlie pulls up with a horse drawn carriage (Like really? Neither of you has a car?). After romantically chatting it up on the way home, Noelle finds a gift of new shoes (shoe fetish, remember?) and when she tries them on, she is transported to a time when she was kind of a dick to her Dad and I guess that’s why they don’t have much of a relationship either.
Noelle has dinner with her dad in an attempt to rebuild their relationship. Charlie tells her that it is good that she’s finally connecting with her family but she’s still a giant ice queen with everyone else. Now Noelle and Jake start conducting the required Hallmark Movie staples of making Christmas Cookies, decorating a Christmas and spending quality time together. Noelle even tells Lorna about Charlie. Instead of thinking Noelle is losing her grasp on reality she believes her because Noelle is far to uptight and boring to make up a story like that (Okay! Ummm . . . thanks???). Lorna tells Noelle she needs to confront her Guardian angel and demand to know if the mystery husband is Jake or a guy named Will who she met at a photo shoot in one of her possible futures who discussed her availability for dating. I’m not sure aggressively confronting an angel is such a hot idea without some kind of special incantation spell or mystical angel trap but, what the hell, let’s go with it.
Charlie gives Noelle yet ANOTHER pair of shoes (Do the other shoes have some kind of limited battery or something?) but Noelle refuses to wear them without answers. Then snooty McDepartment Store owner tells Noelle to LOSE Jake because she’s learned he is a threat to her fancy shmancy ball. Noelle brings Jake cookies at the Station but can’t bring herself to tell him because . . . he’s Jake and he’s so sweet and dreamy. Then she has a long talk with Charlie who informs her that she is so far off her intended path in life that her continuing in the reckless manor threatens the time-space continuum or something, which is why she’s been sent to help set her back on path. Noelle decides to try on the shoes and this time she sees the face of the man in the doorway and it’s none other than . . . Will from the photo shoot. Noelle is sad that it’s not Jake. She and Jake spend some time together and Noelle assures him she will (still) be going to the Fire Station party he invited her too (Because it’s JAKE and he’s awesome and most women would cut off their big toe just to be noticed by him.)
The next day at the store Jake stops in to see Noelle when Boss snotty walks over and talks about the Christmas Gala. This is where Jake learns he was tossed off the decorating committee because of his dangerously extreme ideas of fun and whimsy. Jake is hurt because it all goes back to his deep insecurity about living up to the reputation of Daddy Fire Chief and it turns out that it’s true . . . everyone likes him but nobody respects him cause he’s just cool Jake (See Jake, you may be super awesome but it’s time to grow a pair.}. Then Noelle’s Dad calls to tell her he won’t be around for Christmas because . . . family troubles. Noelle gets all pouty, starts feeling sorry for herself and skips the Fire Department party. She tells Charlie off and says she’s going to skip the Gala to an account of being a big crybaby and all.
However, when all seems lost things start to take a turn for the better. First off, no one seems to notice that she’s having a 5 minute conversation with an Angel that no one but her can see in the middle of a department store aisle (Cause it’s the city and sh*t like that probably happens all the time). Noelle relents and DOES go to the Christmas Fundraiser (Whew! That was a close one). At the party her Dad shows up (I guess it ties up a secondary plotline but really Hallmark . . . nobody gives a flip about Pops. It’s a Christmas ROMANCE movie. He’s on screen throughout the movie and I can’t remember a single thing the old guy did or said.). Then uptight store owners says, “Yeah, you were right. We should make this event more light hearted and fun. Too bad I didn’t realize that earlier before I crushed Jake’s spirit.” She has another conversation with her invisible angel friend Charlie in the middle of a crowded room which nobody notices because . . . Angel powers I guess.
Charlie then gives her a final parting gift of shoes. It seems to surprise Noelle that just like the previous 15 pair that Charlie has given her, this one takes her into another reality. This time she finds out that Will is actually Jake’s doctor brother who apparently thinks saying, “Honey, I’m home!” is like the coolest phrase ever but she’s actually married to Jake! Then she and Jake have a dance while Charlie makes it snow. Everyone is surprised and continues dancing. Hey!!! Like WTF people!!! Did nobody here pass any science classes in college? It’s suddenly snowing INSIDE a goddamn building and you are all like, “Oh wow, that’s cool.” Has anyone EVER seen it snow before INSIDE a building? Do you know why? Because you are INSIDE! It’s im-frickin-possible! This is a major physics defying phenomenon and . . . . oh screw it. They kiss and Merry Christmas everyone!
Even though I’m kind of burned out on Candace and Christmas Movies you can’t deny that she’s got these characters down pat. She has a soft, loveable, vulnerable charm that makes you wondering things like: How is a super attractive 40+ year old woman with a great personality still single and never married after all these years? I mean you obviously don’t want a family because your biological clock has pretty much expired. Are you bipolar? Well whatever, she’s still got it. And you could say the same thing about Luke MacFarlane’s character. Both actors always have good chemistry with their co-stars and this is no exception. Plus the Christmas Carol influence helped shake up the standard Hallmark Movie formula. I give this 4 out of 5 stars.
0 comments:
Post a Comment