As you can probably glean from the title, this movie takes place in Memphis, Tennessee and much of it revolves around the estate of the former “king of rock and roll”, Elvis Presley.  Kellie Pickler plays a Chicago financial executive, Laurel, who returns to her hometown for a week to negotiate a merger with a local bank.  Kellie displays her melodic voice and musical acumen on several occasions during the film.  Unfortunately, despite being a fine singer, she’s not much of an actress which negates any benefit of her singing talent.  Laurel is joined by her daughter, Emma (Claire Green) on her trip.  The beginning of the movie basically sets up that she is overworked and unable to spend as much time with her daughter as she would like.

When in Memphis she, literally, bumps into her old flame Clay (Wes Brown) in front of the Graceland Mansion.  Apparently, she and Clay used to be a musical act during their college years before breaking up.  Clay is now a concert promoter working out of Memphis.  They reconnect during her trip and both are (shockingly) single.  The other characters of note are Sally (Tamara Austin), Laurel’s old college friend, and Mr. Franklin (Tommie Cresswell), the bank owner that Laurel has been sent to negotiate with.

This movie is as full of Christmas and TV cliches as you can imagine.

• You have the greedy, work obsessed northern banker consumed with money and profit versus the kind hearted, country banker who cares more about reputation and his employees than financial reward.  
• The former loving couple in Clay and Laurel who, despite being separated for years, quickly reconnect and rekindle their old flame upon a chance meeting.  
• Two people traveling around a city of over half a million people who seem to constantly run into each other at various locations.  
• The successful but unhappy lead who leaves her hometown to pursue her career but upon returning starts to realize that her true place is back where she grew up.
• The former relationship of the leads ended when the parent of one of the characters dies.

Sally is Laurel’s black college friend, who also serves to watch Emma while Laurel is in town working.  Sally has a daughter of her own around the same age as Emma (and of course the two become best buddies in their week together).  In what has become common in these movies over the past few years, there seems to be a conscious decision to show diversity by casting minorities as best friends or secondary characters.  For this movie, Tamara seems to be the character of choice.  Alas, Sally’s screen time is limited and she is mostly relegated to lines stating how great it is to see someone, how they will miss someone or pointing out the obvious.  Still, Tamara was one of the more appealing characters in the movie and it’s too bad she couldn’t have been the lead and let Pickler fill the less demanding best friend role (Laurel could have been in town encouraging best friend Sally-Pickler to get on stage and perform for the Graceland concert).

Now there were things that really irked me in this movie (Warning: rant follows).  I’m familiar with Memphis and with Tennessee so when I saw the movie had snow on the ground everywhere I was pretty much . . . . “WTF?  Where is this movie supposed to be again?”.  First off, I can tell you with high confidence that it hardly ever snows in Memphis in December.  The odds of it snowing in December in Memphis are about the same as having an Asian cast as a lead character in one of these Christmas movies (i.e. It’s pretty rare).  Secondly, when it does snow it is not very much and it doesn’t stay on the ground long.  For there to be snow on the ground for a week as portrayed in this movie would mean freezing temperatures day and night for almost a week or more.  Even those occasional artic blasts that push into the southern states don’t just last forever.  The landscape of this movie is more like “The Day After Tomorrow” scenario where drastic weather change signifies the end of the world.  And I’m guessing that in a case like that, the Christmas concert would be cancelled in the evacuation.  Thirdly, since it doesn’t snow in Tennessee, the State DOT doesn’t invest in plows and other snow clearing equipment.  This means if it DID snow the city would essentially shut down to keep people off the roads.  People in the South don’t know how to drive in the ice and snow unless they are transplants from the North.  So from that aspect, this whole movie is total bullsh*t.  Once you get beyond these curious weather anomalies and the fact that Clay and Laurel have complete, unlimited and unaccompanied access to the Graceland Mansion to include entering the restricted areas and playing Elvis’s piano after hours . . . . it seems entirely believable.

I’m guessing that the Graceland Estate and the Guest House at Graceland hotel were sponsors for this movie because much of it seemed like a commercial for where to book lodging on your next trip to Memphis.  Let us talk about Laurel and Emma’s hotel room . . . . WOW.  It was either the Guest House equivalent of the Presidential Suite or this hotel is strictly for oil barons, hollywood celebrities, professional athletes and, of course, Chicago banking executives.  It’s unlikely any average traveler could afford to stay here if this is a typical room.  No wonder Chicago needs to layoff so many Memphis employees and slash benefits . . . . how else can they afford the local accommodations for business travel?  And if you stay at the Guest House you get your own personal concierge who will give you gifts and bring you cookies at any time of day and night!!!!  Plus, if you want to put up your own Christmas tree in your room (that you had hauled into your hotel from the tree lot) . . . .  NO PROBLEM!!!

The plot details are unimportant since the leads are so bland and there is no chemistry between them.  Wes Brown is the superior of the two leads since . . . well . . . he can act.  The story is just a vehicle to get them together and the crisis is caused by the common cliché of where the employee is called back early (before Christmas).  I guess employers constantly do this in Christmas movies because they discover the incredibly low last-minute fares for flying right before Christmas???  Laurel turns around and arrives at the Graceland Christmas concert (that she had backed out of at the last minute) and performs with Clay.  Even though it has to be below freezing (snow on the ground remember?), she performs in a low cut, sleeveless, red dress for the show.  Modern concert lighting must be lot hotter than I ever imagined.

Following the concert Mr. Franklin offers Laurel a job so she and Clay can now renew their bland, boring, unromantic relationship (YEEAAAYYY!!!).  This job offer is not due to her professional behavior, instead it is based on hearing her sing that Mr. Franklin becomes convinced she was a true Memphisite . . . Memphisonian . . . . Memphiser . . . ummmm . . . . southern girl.  I guess the innate knowledge of local barbecue and thick southern accent wasn’t enough to give it away.  Speaking of which, I understand that Laurel has a strong southern accent (despite living in the north for years) but what I don’t understand is why it is so noticeable in Memphis.  Shouldn’t the Memphis locals have the same accent she acquired growing up in Memphis?  (Answer: She’s probably the only actual southerner in the entire cast.  The rest are misappropriating southern culture!!!).

Save your time and money (even though it’s free).  There are better holiday movies around than this one.  I give it a 1 out of 5.

Jenna, Played by Bethany Joy Lenz, is a very detailed and organized (i.e. anal retentative) writer for an online magazine in New York City.  She has recently been dumped by her ex-boyfriend, Andrew (Jefferson Brown), and is up for a lead story on Christmas in Aspen.  Kevin, played by Andrew Walker, is a fellow writer for the same magazine who is messy, unorganized and spontaneous.  Andrew seems to have issues around Christmas and is using the Aspen article, which he is also up for, as an excuse to avoid going home for the holiday.  They both arrive in a meeting with their boss who bluntly tells her staff that viewership is dropping and there will be staff reductions coming in the new year.  She then tells Jenna and Kevin that they are BOTH going to Aspen to write stories.  They are her two best writers and they both will do a story for the Christmas Edition so she can tell who is her most popular writer and who needs to be let go.

Now, I’m no expert in the publication business but if you are cutting personnel do you really want to keep your best employee and get rid of the second best?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to keep your best writers and get rid of the weaker ones instead?  I mean, were the other 8 writers in the meeting all making minimum wage or unpaid interns?  Well, whatever, so that’s the deal.  Deliver the best Christmas article or start putting together your resume!  Before leaving for the airport, Jenna is visited by Andrew who wants to patch things up . . . . needs his lucky tie for his company Christmas party (sweet fella).  Kevin and Jenna are seated together on the plane where their diametrically opposed personalities start to create semi-friendly banter.  Kevin admits he barely made the plane because of a cute girl he met in the gift shop who wanted his chocolate.  Jenna starts to make fun of his playboy ways only to learn the truth when an elementary school aged girl stops by and thanks him for the chocolate bar.

Jenna is utterly petrified of flying, despite her denials, and gets annoyed at the noises from Kevin’s 1970s era handheld computer game.  He later has her play to distract her (she’s also way better than him at the game it seems) and all is well until severe turbulence befalls the plane.  They find out the Aspen airport is closed due to weather and they are being redirected to Santa Claus, Indiana.  At the airport they find that all flights are cancelled and there are no available rooms in town.  That is, of course, until they run into Chris and Carol Winters who just happen to own a local Inn.  The fact that Chris has white hair and a beard and drives a red car they call 'Rudolph' makes it no shock that their Inn is decked out, top to bottom, in Christmas decorations.  I doubt it would surprise me if it later turned out that the whole place had been build out of Gingerbread by elves.

The next day at breakfast they learn that all flights to Aspen are still cancelled.  They also find that it will be the last Christmas at the Winters Inn because developers are going to shut them down and build luxury condos.  The Inn used to have the protection of being designated a historical landmark (founded by St. Nick) but that has been challenged by the developers and the original filing has been lost.  There’s no insight given into what, despite the Inn being open for hundreds of years, would cause closure now.  Is there is a revenue problem, a pending mortgage foreclosure, late payments on some note, is the town using eminent domain to obtain the property, etc?  Maybe “developers” can just use their "evil magic Wall Street powers” to attain any property in this town.

Kevin and Jenna call the magazine and explain their situation which leads to their boss telling them to find an article there in Santa Claus, Indiana.  Both complain but are essentially told to STFU and do it or get ready for the unemployment line.  This leads them to the natural next step of . . . . putting up Christmas lights and decorating the Christmas Tree (Seriously, MORE decorations?  It already looks like Santa’s village threw up in this place.)!!!  While decorating with the Winters both Kevin and Jenna rehash fond memories from their childhood Christmases.  Jenna decides that the historical landmark status is what she will do her story on and save the Inn.  Kevin finds Chris reading a bag of letters written to Santa (Well, that’s not odd is it?) in the lobby.  Later he runs into Jenna downtown while exploring.  They both stumble across an area filled with kids waiting to see Santa (and of course Chris is the town Santa and Carol is his helper).  They see a deaf child signing to his mother that he doesn’t want to go in line because he is embarrassed.  Kevin knows this because he knows how to sign.  He goes over to the boy and reassures him that it will be okay and the boy returns to the line.  That night, while researching her story online about the historic landmark status, Jenna overhears Kevin talking to his sister and misleading her that he is in Aspen and having a great time.

That night, neither Kevin nor Jenna can sleep.  Jenna even takes to watching an old video of her ex, Andrew (I know, pathetic right?).  Both end up in the kitchen where Kevin offers to make her something to eat.  They proceed to make Christmas cookies together (the staple of any late night snack – something that takes hours to prepare), having fun playing, chatting and gazing fondly at each other.  During this exchange Kevin admits that he wanted the Aspen piece to avoid Christmas.  Jenna admits that her childhood Christmas stories were fabricated fantasies because she grew up an orphan.  She then talks about her breakup with her ex and the Christmas plans they had made with his family.  They proceed to go for a walk around town only to discover they are both big fans of the other’s writing.

The next morning, Kevin asks Jenna to accompany him on a trip in Rudolph, Chris and Carol’s car.  On the way, he admits he grew up in Indiana and they are on their way to see his family.  He has been avoiding Christmas with his family for 3 years since his father’s passing.  The family is overjoyed to see Kevin and Jenna.  Together they spend the day doing Christmas activities at the house.  Everything is going well until they return to the Inn when Kevin makes it sound as if he just wants to be friends.  They argue which almost leads to a kiss that Kevin doesn’t follow through on, giving Jenna the impression that he isn’t interested in anything beyond a working friendship.

The next day, while searching for the Landmark agreement, Jenna stumbles on a photo of Chris and Carol dated in the mid 1800s.  She takes it to Kevin who doesn’t believe it and thinks Jenna is just too obsessed about Santa Clause (although it does make Chris’s earlier statement about not seeing the Landmark agreement since it was in the hands of Teddy Roosevelt a bit more understandable.).  Kevin invites her to the Christmas festival and asks that she read his article when he is finished.  Working on her story Jenna receives a call from her boss (who clearly is closer to Jenna than Kevin) and during their conversation she admits she likes Kevin.  Jenna finds Chris out in his workshop preparing his Sleigh for Christmas (Okaaayyyyyy) and shows him the picture he found.   Before Chris can answer Kevin shows up and asks about the Dance that night.  Since neither he nor Jenna have anything formal, Carol and Chris have taken the liberty of finding them more formal attire for the evening.

Kevin takes a call from his sister where he tells her he is in love with Jenna and thinks she feels the same.  He also asks her to prepare a stocking for her at their home.  At the dance he meets with Chris and Carol when Jenna walks in (cue the 15 second pause for them to gaze lovingly at each other) and they all gather together.  Chris excuses himself with Carol as he must leave his own Christmas Eve party because he has a lot of things he must get done that evening (not suspicious at all).  Jenna is depressed because she never finished her article but tries to forget by dancing with Kevin.  During the dance Kevin starts to tell Jenna something when, SUDDENLY, who shows up but Santa’s arch-enemy Krampus . . . errrrr . . . I mean Kevin’s arch-enemy Andrew!!!  Andrew arrives wanting to rekindle his relationship with Jenna and to take her home to meet his family.  Before leaving with Andrew, a confused Jenna exchanges a sad and awkward goodbye with Kevin (who she essentially tosses aside like a used trash bag).

Kevin, grieving in his room, and Jenna from her airport hotel room stare up at the sky and both see the legendary Christmas glow in the sky (though Andrew cannot see it because he does not possess the Christmas spirit . . . or is Evil . . . either one.).  Kevin finds the Historical Landmark agreement in the pocket of his borrowed jacket and sets to work revising his article.  The next day at the airport Jenna (who is wearing a high cut shirt in the middle of winter) learns that Andrew’s family has fewer Christmas Traditions than your typical rabbi.  She gets a call from the magazine where her boss congratulates her on their joint article.  Jenna reads the article and realizes that Kevin loves her and understands her which gives her the strength to dump Andrew (Wow, a real leap of faith there Jenna).  Kevin is celebrating (and grieving) Christmas with his family when Jenna shows up and tells him she loves him too.  They embrace, kiss and get down to Christmas Charades while hoping they can get snowed in together for New Years also.  Meanwhile, back at Winters Inn, Carol finally addresses Chris as “Santa” and we see the photo that Jenna found proudly displayed on the fireplace mantle.

So despite all the obvious signs that Jenna and Kevin discovered in their brief stay, no one from the town has been able to piece it together in the past couple centuries.  So when an 80 year old man tells Chris he looks the same as he did when that man was in high school . . . no one bats an eye.  When they go to renew their driver’s licenses for the 25th time . . . ehh, no big deal.  Santa Magic!!!  I’m guessing these developers are wondering who keeps putting coal in their stockings every year.

Sure, there is some suspension of belief here but it IS a Christmas story.  Andrew Walker is first rate in his role as Kevin and Bethany Joy Lenz is a delight as Jenna.  The two leads have good chemistry and their interaction and banter never seem fake.  The two of them carry this movie.  I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

I feel like someone wrote a slapstick comedy about an inept FBI tracking a mistakenly identified criminal and through their own incompetence and sheer luck she keeps slipping through their fingers.  Unfortunately, when this movie was pitched, the studio wasn’t interested in that particular genre but they did have room for some 'Christmas Romance' movies.  Thus a quick rewrite occurred and 'Dashing Through the Snow' was born!  I don’t if you will be able to find a less Christmas themed topic than a movie about inept US law enforcement and domestic terrorism until the new ‘A Merry Organ Harvesting Christmas’ movie finally gets produced.

Meet Ashley Harrison, played by Meghan Ory, a crafts artist with horrible luck with her love life who is desperate to catch a flight home for the Holidays.  When checking in at security, she is told to wait while security makes a call.  Seeing that all the flights are either delayed or cancelled, instead of waiting she decides to rent a car for her journey instead.  Alas, the airport is completely out of rental cars save one remaining vehicle.  Before she can contract that one, the car is rented by Dash (Andrew Walker) who cuts in front of her and pays for the car first.  Since both are heading the same way, a guilty Dash offers to share the ride if Ashley pays for fuel.  Dash claims to be on his way to see his mother so Ashley asks to speak to his mom on the phone and do your standard Axe Murderer check.  Sure, I would like to think that if a serial killer hasn't been discovered by the authorities that you might still get a cautionary warning from his mother (Well he did like to torture and maim small animals as a child and he's had terrible luck with neighbors and roommates disappearing over the years.) but I think this is overly optimistic.

It is not long on their journey before Dash discovers that Ashley is a crafter who loves Christmas and proves it by decorating their rental car (and if that seems odd, remember, she knits Christmas sweaters for a living.) with said crafts.  She also likes to sing Christmas songs (even in grocery stores) and likes to talk about Christmas non stop (seems like a keeper so far!).  We also find out that she’s being tracked by the FBI since she escaped the airport (And when I say escape, I mean she walked over the to the car rental counters and left in a rental car.  She didn’t escape her prison transport bus and jump from the storm drain of a dam into a raging river hundreds of feet below in the style of ‘The Fugitive’ or anything like that,).  Fear not general public, the FBI is hot on the case!  Around this time the rental car breaks down and our fugitives try, unsuccessfully, to wave down a ride from passing traffic.  They have no cell service or luck getting a ride so they start hiking to the next town.  The movie then introduces us to a couple of teenage boys working in a coffee shop in a side story that, I can only assume, was mostly left on the editing room floor because it added absolutely nothing to the structure of the story.  Ash and Dash converse on their walk to town where, to further reiterate to viewers, Ash is the one who has true Christmas Spirit and Dash is the ‘Bah Humbug’ Christmas Grinch portion of the duo.  When they finally arrive to a garage where their car is towed, Ashley makes a suspicious call.

Outside the garage, Ash finds a box of puppies owned by your typical scary but sweet biker gang member who believes in fate and personal auras.  So now Ash, Dash and their puppy, Lil Blade, are all on their way to Seattle while being closely followed by 'Agent Useless'.   Despite all the intelligence suggesting the opposite, the FBI task force leader is convinced they are onto something huge!  Back on the road, Ashley discusses her dad, her vast knowledge of the interstate highway system and his service time in Afghanistan (which she found out by calling his mom again).  They arrive at a Christmas themed store and restaurant in Mistletoe, Oregon where Ashley helps a little girl decorate a tree.  Christmas loving Ash and distant Dash have dinner and talk about the holiday celebration in Ashley’s hometown and the hay rides that her father used to provide the townfolk before he passed.  She is determined to get home and make sure her mother isn’t alone for Christmas.  They banter about movies and Ashley grabs Dash’s phone to call his mother.  It’s at this point in the movie we discover that his “mother” is actually a female FBI agent and Dash is part of Ashley’s surveillance team.

While Ashley is walking Lil Blade, she and Dash almost have a romantic moment but it is ruined when Dash spots the FBI surveillance car he rushes them back on the road.  We now find out that their conversations inside the car are also being monitored in the FBI command center.  While they stop in their next town for the night the two pointless teen characters from earlier switch plates with them.  The FBI tail vehicle loses the couple in traffic when some kids with a Christmas tree cut in front of him.  The FBI is now forced to put out an APB on the rental vehicle because even though they are using their undercover agent's cell phone to record conversations they don’t possess the technology to track that cell phone’s location or the wherewithal to install any of the popular and public phone apps that already do that.  The couple reaches Salem, Oregon and get a hotel room (There is only one room and they have to share because IT IS a Christmas Romance movie.).  They go to dinner where Dash finds out that Ashley had her identity stolen a few years ago (I guess the FBI doesn’t even have the ability to pull a credit report).  Ash then helps out two deaf men order dinner using her sign language skills and agrees to dance with one of them (I’m not saying deaf people can’t dance but . . . why would they want to?).

Around this time Dash has become completely convinced that Ashley is caught in a case of mistaken identity (though his supervisors won’t believe him) and on their way back to the hotel they finally share a kiss.  Later in the hotel Dash admits that after Afghanistan he joined Homeland Security and was with the FBI working undercover to keep tabs on her.  Unfortunately, Ashley slept through the whole conversation so only the viewer learns this.  Dash's frustration with his superiors led him to leave his surveillance phone in the bar the night before.  Naturally, the FBI now believes he has been exposed/incapacitated or kidnapped by super terrorist Ashley Harrison.  While getting coffee for the two of them in the morning, Dash runs into an incredibly nosey and seemingly clairvoyant charity Santa who tells him that he’s in love and needs to open up to the Christmas Spirit.  I’d like to say this scene wasn’t unnerving and super creepy but if I were in Dash’s shoes . . .  I think I would have just pulled out my sidearm and put two in Santa's chest.  I’m sorry but when a grown man in a Santa suit pops out of nowhere to ask if you believe in Santa and then seems to know personal facts about you . . . I’m sorry . . . shoot first and ask questions later.

They continue on their journey.  Dash is about to repeat what he tried to tell Ashley the night before but before he can, she asks him to make a stop at a friend’s place.  By now the FBI has figured out the plate switch (after busting the teenage boys and a mom in their coffee shop) and believes it is just another evasive tactical move by criminal mastermind Ashley Harrison.  Outside the house of Ashley’s friend, Dash does some looking around only to discover that the house is surrounded and when Ashley leaves the house, they arrest her and the truth about Dash being an FBI agent is finally exposed.

Once the FBI realizes it spent thousands of dollars and hundreds man hours to bust a house full of Romanian holiday craft-people, Ashley is released and returns home.  She laments to her mother that she fell in love with Dash (Wow, she really DOES have bad luck with men) during their journey.  To further emphasize this point (or extend the movie's length) we get a quick montage with scenes of them together during their trip.  Somewhere out there, Dash must have also seen this same movie montage in his head because he decides to make one grand gesture to show Ash loves her.  The obvious move here is to show up at her hometown Christmas Festival driving an excessively decorated tractor pulling a hay wagon.  Well, you are going to be shocked but . . . it works!   All is forgiven!  Then again, this is a woman seems like she would wear a Disney backpack to her college classes, still believes in Santa Claus, dresses up for Halloween every year and fell in love with a guy who was emotionally distant and stand offish almost the entire time they spent together . . . . sooooo . . . it’s probably not much of a stretch to imagine she’s easily swayed by any small act of kindness (though that Tractor was REALLY decorated.  I mean there are probably Christmas stores with fewer decorations than this thing had.)

Let’s face it, the plot was only memorable in how ridiculous it was.  Andrew Walker is a staple of these romance movies and does them pretty well but here he was simply solid and handsome.  Meghan Ory is the one who really carried this movie.  It is worth watching just to see her character’s holiday enthusiasm and childishness.   I give it a 2.5 out of 5.

Finally, a Christmas movie that takes a chance interaction of two characters diametrically opposed and antagonistic to each other and gradually brings them together to find something greater.   It is about time!!!!   Vanessa Lachey plays Abby, a super organized (i.e. OCD) writer and mother who has her life pre-planned to the Nth degree.  Abby has scoured the city to find a special toy robot for her son, Elliot, played by Christian Convery.  Abby also learns she that her editor has lined up an for her with her personal hero, child rearing lecturer and author Dr. Baxter (Rick Fox).  She quickly rearranges her schedule and heads to the Toy Store.  Brendan Zub plays Ryan, a corporate attorney in heavy competition with a coworker for a partner position who learns that his secretary has found another highly sought after toy, a Magic Talking Unicorn, for his young daughter Jasmine (April Cameron).

Arriving at the store at the same time, Ryan and Abby get along together like fire and ice.  Arguing about who was in line first, who’s toy is more important, who can get the additional music box they find elsewhere in the store, etc.  Luckily, before it reaches the point where they challenge each other to a duel to the death, the store clerk gives them their packages and their acrimonious interaction ends.  Abby meets up with her son, Elliot who is displaying hesitation at participating in an upcoming Christmas concert (more on that later).  A cancellation of a babysitter requires Abby to wrap presents that night (instead of the pre-scheduled time).  Much to her chagrin, she discovers that Elliot’s toy robot is missing and instead, she has Jasmine’s Magic Unicorn.

Abby embarks on a search to find Ryan from what little information she overheard during his phone conversation at the toy store.  She soon identifies his firm but when she calls, she cannot get in touch with any attorneys without knowing their name.  Unable to go any further online or by phone she decides to visit the Law office in person.  At the office she notices Ryan going into a conference room for an important business meeting.  She goes to the room's window and, while he tries to ignore her, he finally relents and excuses himself from the meeting.  Abby, Ryan and Elliot proceed to Ryan’s office where they find Jasmine who is overjoyed to see the Magic Unicorn toy (which is still unwrapped).  While Jasmine is ecstatic to get her toy (Surprise!), Elliot is dismayed to learn that Ryan can’t reciprocate because the Toy Robot is at his ex-wife’s, Brooke (Sarah Smyth), house.  Abby doesn’t want to go all the way out there alone so Ryan agrees (thanks to Jasmine’s encouragement – “It’s Christmas Daddy!!!”) to go with her.

I fail to see how Ryan accompanying Abby helps her get the toy any faster than her getting it by herself.  It simply takes Ryan’s time away from an important corporate merger he is a part of (still going on in the conference room).  Ehh, whatever.  It turns out that Ryan IS a big help because he needs to drive after Abby finds her car has been towed from the 15-minute parking space she left it in (She couldn’t have been inside more than a half hour. Is there a tow truck that just sits and waits behind the law office or something?).   Add this as yet another reason why no one likes lawyers.  During an incredibly convenient long drive (plot wise) to the exes, Abby and Ryan's discussion explores each character's life.  Ryan even comments on the obvious difference in their parenting styles (she’s a hyperactive, controlling mom and he’s a distracted, overly lenient dad).

They finally arrive at Brooke’s house and it turns out she is living in a place just slightly smaller than the Buckingham Palace with her famous, hot, rich, cardiac surgeon, husband Kenneth (Matt Dowden).  We now see an uncomfortable Ryan, who while being attractive and successful in his own right, cannot hope to compare with his replacement.  Abby and Ryan find out that the gift has already been wrapped and placed under the tree (with dozens of other presents).  Brooke refuses to open all the presents but Abby comes up with a plan for Kenneth, using his stethoscope, to listen to each present for an internal humming (unique to the toy robot).  They subsequently recover the robot (much to the joy of Elliot).  On the way out, Ryan promises Brooke to have Jasmine back on Christmas Eve, before their ski trip vacation, and Kenneth gives Jasmine an expensive watch/phone/supercomputer that he takes from his super cool sports car (Ah-ha! Ken isn’t perfect after all. He must have a super small weenie to need to compensate with a car like that.).

This is a turning point of the movie.  Ryan goes from the annoying self-absorbed, narcissistic, aloof lawyer to an embarrassed, anguished, sympathetic father and Abby notices.  Her empathy changes their dynamic for the rest of the story.  It isn’t forced or spurious and actually works quite well.  Ryan agrees to pick up Abby’s parents from the airport and even plays along when the parents believe him to be her driver.  They all then go together for lunch at Abby’s house.  Ryan tries to do work on his laptop but that’s against Abby’s “no screen time” rule of the house.  Jasmine and Elliot become fast friends while their parents engage in disagreements over the best parenting style.  Abby’s mom then tells Abby how Ryan is a real catch (of course) despite Abby’s dissenting focus on his workaholic, distracted nature.  The kids conspire to get their parents together at Santa’s village and Abby agrees so she can interview Ryan for an article she wants to do on distracted parenting.

While the kids and grandparents wait in line for Santa, Abby interviews Ryan which inevitably leads to them ice skating together (Boy, if I had a dollar for every time a magazine interview ended up on the ice . . . sheesh.).  Abby learns that Ryan's determination to get the unicorn for Jasmine is based on the guilt he feels about not seeing her as much as he’d like.  This way he could record his voice in the toy that she could hear and be reminded of her Dad (Wow . . . that’s actually incredibly sweet.  This guy is single???).  Ryan asks Abby to attend a company Christmas Cocktail party with him.  She finds out that Ryan's supposed girlfriend Lexi, that Brooke had asked about earlier at the mansion, has not been in the picture for months but Ryan was too embarrassed to admit it to his ex-wife.

Abby goes to her re-scheduled (due to the whole toy incident) interview with Dr Baxter at a coffee shop while Ryan takes Abby’s parents and the kids to Elliot’s Christmas Concert.  Elliot is still having second thoughts about performing so Ryan attempts to ease his fears.  He finds out from Abby’s father that Abby wasn’t always anally retentive about schedules and instead it was her coping mechanism to deal with the loss of her husband.  At the coffee shop interview, Abby questions Dr. Baxter’s parenting philosophies versus some of the ideas Ryan had given her.  She then learns that Dr. Baxter, with several children of his own, relies heavily on his wife and paid caretakers to implement his philosophies.  Abby realizes that she and most parents are not blessed with nannies and chauffeurs and that his teachings are impractical for the modern parent (especially single parents).  She politely tells him off and decides to skip the rest of the interview to attend her son’s recital instead.

She reaches the concert just before it is underway.  She notices Ryan is missing only to discover that he is actually one of the human trees standing in the background (where he went to offer support to Elliot) of the stage.  The entire group then goes out to find a Christmas Tree (Didn’t Ryan have to go back to work sometime today?  Maybe I should become an attorney.).  At the Tree Farm Abby learns that Ryan used to have Jasmine for Christmas morning while Brooke and Kenneth were building their enormous palace outside of the city.  She also finds out that he wasn’t always so work obsessed.  Brooke pushed him to be more successful as an attorney but by then it was too late to save their marriage (So she then went out and found someone even more successful?  What a betch.  Can anyone say “golddigger”?).

Ryan and Abby attend his corporate party as friends but when Ryan’s coworker goes on about his fiance and their impending nuptials, Abby introduces herself as Lexi.  She then goes to his boss and tells her that Ryan deserves to be partner more than anyone she knows.  While dancing, Ryan admits Lexi dumped him when he couldn’t go off with her to Milan because he had Jasmine that week.  Abby replies that “He’s better off without her.”.  They then make plans to pick up her car from the towing lot and have dinner at her house with everyone.

That night the family decorates the tree (of course), the kids play with their respective toys and Abby and Ryan both work on their respective projects.  Abby heads to the store for cocoa, with Ryan in tow, and a long romantic walk ensues (To get to the nearest store you are required to walk by a peaceful lake on a lighted wooden walkway?  What f’in city IS this?).  When they return Ryan gives Abby the music box they both admired previously at the toy store for her to give to Elliot.  It is only the ill-timed fall of Elliot’s telescope from his bedroom window that stops Abby and Ryan from kissing.  It’s not at all disconcerting to see your children and parents secretly observing you from your house is it?  Not to mention that Elliot is probably going to need a new telescope.

The family then plays party games before Ryan has to check his email for work.  He uses Abby’s computer and accidentally deletes the article she had just completed (Apparently Ryan is a successful corporate attorney but doesn’t know how to minimize a window on a desktop or choose ‘Yes’ when a program asks “Would you like to save your work?”.).  Abby is upset she will now miss her deadline, finds out her cookies have burned and lashes out at Ryan blaming everything on his constantly distracted state.  She states she isn’t ready for all these changes to her perfectly scheduled and independent life so Ryan and Jasmine head home.

The next morning Abby finds Elliot making a mess in the kitchen.  Elliot mentions Ryan is alone for Christmas which gives Abby pause and reflection.  Ryan is at work where he learns that even though the merger is on hold due to the clients, he has been promoted to partner at the firm.  Abby works on her new article while Ryan and Jasmine go Christmas window shopping.  While home making Christmas cookies with Jasmine, Ryan receives an email linking Abby’s new article.  In it she describes, the lessons she learned from spending time with Ryan and hints that she is ready for some new surprises in her life.

Ryan goes for his morning jog on Christmas but he returns to discovers Jasmine (Brooke gave up Jasmine for part of Christmas Day just like that?  Well, she may be a materialistic, golddigger but I guess she ain’t ALL bad.), Elliot and Abby waiting in his kitchen.  Glossing over how she actually got inside his condo, she tells him they are kidnapping him to have Christmas at her house.  There they enjoy Christmas Dinner with everyone when the children discover it is snowing (Which should kill all kinds of plants because all the vegetation in this area is still green despite it being December.).  While outside admiring the snowfall they are notified they are standing under mistletoe and are thus legally obligated to finally have their first kiss.  Merry Christmas!!!

I wasn’t sure about the pairing of these two leads in the beginning, but I’ll go on record now as they hit it out of the park.  Their characters flawed but sympathetic and the chemistry between them seemed credible.  I also enjoyed their individual relationships with their children which was a nice touch in the movie.  Both were single parents who, though far from perfect, had a touching connection to their child.  Definitely a movie worth watching.  I give it a 4.5 out of 5.

If anything, this movie certainly wins the award for longest title.  “Time for Me to Come Home for Christmas” or possibly identified by its longer, unabridged title “Time for Single Business Owner and Lonely Country Music Star to Come Home to Oklahoma for Christmas Together” is another one of Hallmark’s patented Christmas Romance movies.  This movie stars Megan Park, as business executive Cara, and Josh Henderson, as country music star Heath Sawyer.  These two characters are flung together as they both try to return home to Oklahoma in time for Christmas.  Heath is the music star living in New York trying to return to his family out of guilt while Cara was in town for business and is now trying to get back in time for Christmas with her father.

They first meet in the Airport where Cara seems to be the only person in the country who doesn’t recognize Heath.  In a cute scene, Heath gives Cara an autograph when she was simply letting him know that he was in her seat.  Fun scene but apparently Cara never read what Heath wrote nor bothered to wonder why he would suddenly give her his autograph.  Perhaps all this is lost in the ensuing moment when Heath accidentally knocks his coffee all over her shirt.  Their flight is cancelled and they are rerouted on a flight to Chicago, Cara puts on her award winning entry in the Gaudy Christmas sweater competition and they spend some time sitting and talking at an airport restaurant.  Later Heath befriends a young boy, Lex, travelling by himself (Easy prey for successful country music stars).  Lex calls Cara over to sit with them because . . . it gets them together and moves the plot along (I mean we ARE in an airport.  How much plot can you fill in an airport if our leads are separated?).  The flight leaves and they make it to Chicago only to find out their connecting flight to Tulsa has been cancelled due to the weather.

Both of them end up at a historic hotel where Cara jokes about, but doesn’t take seriously, the very REAL possibility that this guy is stalking her.  Instead they have dinner together (smart move Cara, he wouldn’t try and kill you in public) where she suddenly learns that Heath is actually a big country music star.  Her big tip off is when a bunch of adoring fans ask him to sing for them at the hotel bar.   She had previously called her friend Lindsey to brag about meeting handsome Heath but now calls to say she’s given up because handsome Heath is world famous celebrity Heath Sawyer.   Despite the fact that Cara walked out on him during his musical interlude the night before, Heath doesn't attempt to reach out to her again until the next morning (20 minutes after she has checked out).  All flights are still cancelled but the Hotel clerk directs him to the bus station (where I assume she knows Cara has gone).

Heath enters the bus and finds a seat next to Cara (Betch, if you DIDN’T think he was stalking you before . . . how about now?).   They argue over his not telling her who he really was (okay . . . fair point) only to run into an older couple who travels as a country music duo in the seats next to them.  The couple has a gig at the next town to sing at their local Christmas festival so Heath agrees and ropes Cara (who has some time in her HS glee club on her resume) into participating.  After the event, Heath gets a rental car and invited Cara to travel with him.  She refuses but then relents and finds him at a nearby restaurant where they make paper snowflake cutouts to post on the front window and . . . . well . . . start to find Holiday love.

They hit the road to reach Tulsa but end up stranded in a blizzard in Joplin, Missouri.  Luckily Heath has an old band mate who lives in Joplin.  They eventually makes contact with Nathan (Billy Wickman) who brings them to his home and then leaves them unsupervised with his two young daughters while his ill wife is asleep upstairs.  While in some movies, Nathan’s complete lack of responsibility and questionable decision making might lead to a movie of the week involving murder and kidnapping . . . in this case it positions him for 'Father of the Year' as Heath and Cara teach the girls how to sing (for a Christmas gift to their mother) and how to bake a pie.  This time with the girls bonds the two leads closer and they exchange gifts later that night.  Cara gets a music CD of the couple they met on the bus while Heath gets a harmonica (which he can play perfectly just like the guitar, piano, etc, because he is a musical genius).

That night Cara figures out a way to save her family business (of course).  They spend Christmas morning at Nathan’s before Heath drives her home.  Cara invites Heath inside where he meets her father.  Cara then tells her father that the bank wants them to cut employees but she’s got a plan to save the company with new products.  Dad balks so Nathan offers to step up and fund the company.  Apparently offering money to any proud Oklahoman is one of the worst mistakes you can make.  He is asked to leave and all the country music albums found in the house are then immediately rounded up and tossed into the fireplace (maybe I embellish a bit).  Heath returns to his own family but is visibly somber because . . . well . . . . no Cara.  After some familial advice, he decides to go see her to apologize.  Cara is already in a better mood now because since Heath left, Banker Bob called to say that after trying her new products he will recommend her product line expansion to his bank.  Heath arrives, he and Cara smooth things over and they all go over to his giant mansion for the rest of Christmas.  The last scene is everyone together by the tree singing Heath's new Christmas song.

I’ll say it, the chemistry was weak.  Megan Park is cute but not charismatic and ditto for Josh Henderson.  The most interesting character was probably his assistant Liz, played by Lucie Guest, who spends, perhaps, 2 minutes on screen.  And is this couple supposed to stay together?  It seemed like the only thing they had in common (besides being single) is living in Oklahoma and having a parent die recently.  Seems like a solid foundation for a long relationship to me!

I give it a 1.5 out of 5.

Captain Grace Garland (Eloise Mumford) is a recently separated veteran driving across country to Cincinnati where a new job awaits when she loses control of her car and crashes into a snow bank.  She happens to crash in front of a farm owned by handsome, single, wealthy attorney Joe Peterson (Sean Faris).   While the rest of us would probably end up crashing in front of farm owned by unemployed, beer guzzling, gun advocating hillbilly Billy Bob Buford, Grace got lucky on this one.  Joe also happens to have a dog that takes an instant liking to Grace, who is suffering loss because she had to leave her longtime canine companion behind when she separated from service.  Joe takes Grace down to the only garage in town (run by his uncle) and they find out that her car will take 3 weeks to repair.

Joe just so happens to have a cabin on his property that he offers to Grace the use of (of course).  She also finds out that he is the town Judge.  Now that she is stuck together in town and with Joe we begin the usual movie tropes of them spending time together getting to know each other and doing Christmas activities together.  She also bonds with his family and the other small town folk.  Grace is even offered a job doing search and rescue, her job in the Marines, by Travis (Jacob Blair) the town Police Chief (This town looks big enough to have a 3-man police force and yet they have a Search and Rescue division?  Really?).  Mumford does a fine job as Grace giving her a believable combination of hesitation, sadness and confusion but a unique charm and sweet personality.  Her character is alone, dealing with the transition from military to civilian life while dealing with the loss of her faithful companion and some failed relationships.  She was excellent in my opinion.

Now that brings us to Sean Faris.  In one word I would sum his performance as ‘FAIL’.  He was entirely too smooth and charming and didn’t seem real.  If this movie had been on the Lifetime Channel, I would have been convinced the upcoming twist was that he turns out to be a psychopathic serial killer.  He looked like a shiny, plastic mannequin version of a smiling Tom Cruise throughout the entire movie.  In fact, I haven’t seen a character smile that much during a movie since Heath Ledger’s Joker in the ‘Dark Knight’.  Did he just have his teeth capped before filming and was determined to show the whole world his bright, new chompers?

Everything is going well as Grace and Barbie Doll Tom Cruise get closer until Marnie (Miriam McDonald) comes back into town for the holiday.  It turns out Marnie is Joe’s ex-fiance who dumped him by running off with the town prosecutor to Chicago (Ouch!  That’s kind of harsh.).   Marnie even tells Joe that she misses him and when she was in Chicago she thought about him every day (You mean while in bed with the prosecutor?).  Her presence serves to give Grace bouts of insecurity, fear of rejection and hesitation for the rest of the movie.  Although, given Joe’s surprisingly friendly interaction with Marnie (Given the whole cheating and running off with the prosecutor thing.) he’s either an extremely forgiving guy or actually IS that psychopath I suggested earlier and we might find Marnie’s body parts strewn around a campsite deep in the woods someday.

Joe also tells Grace that he has applied to be a District Judge in Chicago (Wait, where your ex now lives?) which has always been a lifelong dream.  While out with Joe’s family Grace spots Joe meeting with Marnie a few times and finally comes to conclusion that he’s a big lying sack of fertilizer.  Feeling hurt and betrayed she decides to leave town immediately and just get her car later.  She buys a bus ticket and heads out of town until the bus is pulled over and she’s asked to return to town by Travis (Is that legal?).  Upon her return she finds a big surprise Christmas party in her honor.  Joe’s suspicious behavior and dealings with Marnie were only to help get Grace’s dog, Christmas (yeah, go figure) released from service and given to her.  Joe also tells her that he turned down the position in Chicago to stay in River Crossing.  She then kisses him and decides to also stay in Rivers Crossing (Because seriously, who the hell wants to live in Cincinnati?  This is a no brainer.) and take the Search and Rescue position.

Despite creepy Tom Cruise look alike Faris, Mumford carries the movie and Amanda Lisman is adorable as Katie, Joe’s sister.  The story is fine for the most part.  I give this a 3 out of 5.

This is actually the third part in a three movie series.  And as anyone who has watched movie trilogies before understands, the last movie is always the worst.  The Father Christmas series continues the long time Hollywood Tradition of milking a popular story for every last dime with Marrying Father Christmas.  This movie continues the saga of Miranda (Erin Krakow) and Ian (Niall Matter) as they take that final plunge into matrimony.  Unlike most Christmas movies on Hallmark, there is no romance that evolves over the course of the film since well, they are already engaged and about to get married.  This means the writers had to add some other elements of conflict to create a workable story.

Ian and Miranda have decided to get married on Christmas Day because lord knows there isn’t enough sh*t going on during Christmas Day that adding a wedding to attend doesn’t enhance.  Rather than insert any conflict within their relationship the writers decided to make all the conflict external.  To those ends we have the three main challenges that our characters have to deal with.  Conflict 1: It seems that Miranda’s stepmother Margaret (Wendie Malick) has decided to invite additional acquaintances of Miranda’s late father to the wedding ceremony creating an issue with space and seating (Good Lord, whatever will we do!!!!).  She then wants to move the wedding from Miranda and Ian’s cottage to the main house.  I’ve never understood the desire to have a wedding in your home where strangers can just roan all over your house.  This wealthy family of a famous deceased actor can’t afford a church or other venue?  How many bathrooms does this cottage have?  Will they be bringing in Porta-Johns to handle all the people?  Thankfully, after much avoidance on the subject, Miranda finally tells Margaret they want to have it at the cottage.  Yes, it was as spine tingling of a narrative as it sounds.

Conflict 2: One of the family’s friends, Thomas (Barry Flatman), arrives and Margaret fawns all over him like a lonely sorority girl desperate to find a boyfriend before the upcoming formal.  The two hit it off but then Margaret gets cold feet and decides to end things.  Luckily it all gets resolved when her son tells her how happy she has looked the last few days with Thomas.  The morale of the story is that even really domineering old people need to get laid every once in a while.  I’m glad that all worked out before I fell asleep on account of being so friggin bored.

Conflict 3:  This was the only decent conflict and the main one of the show.  A man shows up in Boston and meets Miranda about work.  She then sees him in . . . whatever the hell town they live in.  There might have been something about him making a donation, I can’t recall.  What’s important is that he says he is Charlie (Bill Dow) the uncle she never knew.  She doesn’t believe him and sends him off.  Later she gets a package with a bunch of photos of his mom from back in high school.  She finds out he did make a donation to her father’s charity.  Now she wants to track him down and in doing so finds out he is a pastor in California.  She leaves a message for him at his church because . . . apparently he doesn’t have a cell phone.  It’s not like a pastor might need to be contacted at any time where he would need something like that right?  Maybe for Christmas Miranda can get him a pager.

Then one day Miranda spots him sitting on a bench in town (Weird huh?).   So he got Miranda’s message and he tells her the story.  Turns out that he was a young pastor when his sister told him about the guy she was seeing.  When Charlie found out that the fellow actor was still married, he cast his sister aside and ignored her for 30+ years.  Charlie only found out he had a niece from a story on the internet.  Even when he mellowed, he never reconnected with his sister because they had lost touch and he didn’t know where she was.   I guess Charlie knows how to use the internet only enough to find out about Miranda but not enough to do a “people search” for his sister.  I mean, hey . . . the guy doesn’t have a cell phone.  Maybe his understanding of the internet at the Church computer is limited to playing online solitaire and searching for online porn.  He just got lucky when he saw the article on Miranda (Sure, let’s just go with that for now.).

He apologizes for being such a douche to his sister (Hell, maybe he can make a sermon out of it) and Miranda forgives and embraces their new relationship.  She invites him over for Christmas but he insists she should spend it with the ones she is close to and he can catch up with her another time (But obviously not by cell phone because those are the devil’s work!).  This did seem a bit odd but hey, I guess the guy has either been hiding out in town after he was told to leave or he’s been flying back and forth from California to Vermont at least twice so far.  I don’t know, maybe he’s one of those fraudulent televangelists who has in own jet plane so it’s really no big deal.  Once this happens the movie climax’s with the ceremony which is really just an excuse to show a montage from the two previous (and far more entertaining) movies.

Don’t get me wrong, I really like both Krakow and Matter (they are the main reason I sat through this dreck) but even Pitt and Jolie couldn’t save this material.  This dead horse has already been beaten enough.  I give it a 1 out of 5.

Noelle (these Christmas movie names are sometimes getting almost as cheesy as Bond Girl names) is a department store Human Resources Director played by Candace Cameron Bure.   Finding a Christmas Movie starring Candace is about as easy as finding a pickup truck parked outside a rodeo.  She’s probably into the double digits of these types of movies.  Noelle is tasked with coordinating the special Town Christmas Fire Department Fundraiser Dance yada yada yada for the store.  The store owner demands the event be high-class, cultured and ummmm . . . . basically stuffy and boring.  Because we all know how ‘Department Stores’ are considered one of the last bastions of elegance and décor so we have an important image to protect!!!  God forbid that Sears or Walmart find out we didn’t throw a tasteful affair.  She also has a weenie son Alex, played by Kristian Bruun, has absolutely no backbone when it comes to dealing with his mother.

Noelle as has either a deep love and appreciation (or disturbing obsession, depending on your point of view) of shoes.  Naturally what comes next is a mixture of Guardian Angels and a Christmas Carol (nothing screams Dicken’s quite like an abnormal shoe fetish).  We are then introduced to Fireman Jake (Luke MacFarlane), all around good guy beloved by his co-workers (Don’t worry, this will tie in later).  Noelle has a talk at the store with her bestie Lorna (Tenika Davis) where we learn she’s been dumped by her boyfriend, gave up her real passion (photography), has a weak relationship with her father and has an all around pretty sad, pathetic and lonely life.  That night at her apartment she runs into (literally) Jake who is moving into the unit above hers.

The next day at work Weenie Alex asks Noelle to research a former employee for something he is doing for his snobby and erudite mother.  While looking through some old records in storage they close the store due to a huge snowstorm and lock her inside (I guess basically reaffirming what Lorna had previously said about her having a sad life where no one gives a crap about her, not even Lorna!).  She calls Weenie Alex who promises to rescue her but while she waits, she encounters Charlie (Jean Smart), her Guardian Angel.  Charlie gets Noelle to put on some magic shoes that transport to a time when she wore entirely too much makeup for just hanging out at her apartment.  It also happened to be 3 years prior when her boyfriend broke up with her on Christmas Eve (That’s sweet) and she became jobless since she he was a photographer and she was his assistant.  This is where she takes a temporary HR position at the store but is still working at it with no desire to go back to anything else.

Then Charlie and Noelle are transported into the future she would have had were she to have stuck to photography where she owns her own studio and is married.  At that moment someone opens the front door, says “Honey, I’m home!) but before she can see who it is she is transported back to the store.  At this point she returns to the store right before the Fire Department breaks in to rescue her.  (To quote famous Television character Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”) one of the Firemen who rescue her is none other than, you guessed it, Jake.  Noelle tells then there is another woman trapped in the store (Not where I would have gone after Charlie confirmed her story about being an angel through the use of her magical powers of time travel but . . . whatever.).  The Firemen are unable to find anyone else in the store (duhhhh) an suspect Noelle is just a complete and total nutjob or delusional or something like that.
The next day after work she arrives at her apartment to be accidentally wounded by Jake who is exchanging fire with a gang of street thugs outside the building.  Actually, it’s just a stray snowball from a snowball fight between Jake and some kids from the neighborhood (Seriously, the guy is cute, sweet, super attractive and good with kids.  How is Noelle not absolutely throwing herself at him by now?).  She also gets a phone call at this time to let her know her Fire Department Liason for the ball will be Jake (ohhhh . . . myyyyy . . . Goddddd.  Noelle it’s FATE!!!).  She finds Charlie in her apartment and asks if Jake is the guy from the future vision (Well it sounds like she might be coming around right?).  The next day Noelle and Jake go to check out the venue.  Jake wants fun, whimsical and over the top Christmassy but Noelle informs him that her boss has a 48 inch, golden candy cane stuck up her arse and will go for that like . . . NEVER.  They leave the building and find there are no cabs but luckily, Charlie pulls up with a horse drawn carriage (Like really?  Neither of you has a car?).  After romantically chatting it up on the way home, Noelle finds a gift of new shoes (shoe fetish, remember?) and when she tries them on, she is transported to a time when she was kind of a dick to her Dad and I guess that’s why they don’t have much of a relationship either.

Noelle has dinner with her dad in an attempt to rebuild their relationship.  Charlie tells her that it is good that she’s finally connecting with her family but she’s still a giant ice queen with everyone else.  Now Noelle and Jake start conducting the required Hallmark Movie staples of making Christmas Cookies, decorating a Christmas and spending quality time together.  Noelle even tells Lorna about Charlie.  Instead of thinking Noelle is losing her grasp on reality she believes her because Noelle is far to uptight and boring to make up a story like that (Okay!  Ummm . . . thanks???).  Lorna tells Noelle she needs to confront her Guardian angel and demand to know if the mystery husband is Jake or a guy named Will who she met at a photo shoot in one of her possible futures who discussed her availability for dating.  I’m not sure aggressively confronting an angel is such a hot idea without some kind of special incantation spell or mystical angel trap but, what the hell, let’s go with it.

Charlie gives Noelle yet ANOTHER pair of shoes (Do the other shoes have some kind of limited battery or something?) but Noelle refuses to wear them without answers.  Then snooty McDepartment Store owner tells Noelle to LOSE Jake because she’s learned he is a threat to her fancy shmancy ball.  Noelle brings Jake cookies at the Station but can’t bring herself to tell him because . . . he’s Jake and he’s so sweet and dreamy.  Then she has a long talk with Charlie who informs her that she is so far off her intended path in life that her continuing in the reckless manor threatens the time-space continuum or something, which is why she’s been sent to help set her back on path.  Noelle decides to try on the shoes and this time she sees the face of the man in the doorway and it’s none other than . . . Will from the photo shoot.  Noelle is sad that it’s not Jake.  She and Jake spend some time together and Noelle assures him she will (still) be going to the Fire Station party he invited her too (Because it’s JAKE and he’s awesome and most women would cut off their big toe just to be noticed by him.)

The next day at the store Jake stops in to see Noelle when Boss snotty walks over and talks about the Christmas Gala.  This is where Jake learns he was tossed off the decorating committee because of his dangerously extreme ideas of fun and whimsy.  Jake is hurt because it all goes back to his deep insecurity about living up to the reputation of Daddy Fire Chief and it turns out that it’s true . . . everyone likes him but nobody respects him cause he’s just cool Jake (See Jake, you may be super awesome but it’s time to grow a pair.}.  Then Noelle’s Dad calls to tell her he won’t be around for Christmas because . . . family troubles.  Noelle gets all pouty, starts feeling sorry for herself and skips the Fire Department party.  She tells Charlie off and says she’s going to skip the Gala to an account of being a big crybaby and all.

However, when all seems lost things start to take a turn for the better.  First off, no one seems to notice that she’s having a 5 minute conversation with an Angel that no one but her can see in the middle of a department store aisle (Cause it’s the city and sh*t like that probably happens all the time).  Noelle relents and DOES go to the Christmas Fundraiser (Whew!  That was a close one).  At the party her Dad shows up (I guess it ties up a secondary plotline but really Hallmark . . . nobody gives a flip about Pops.   It’s a Christmas ROMANCE movie.   He’s on screen throughout the movie and I can’t remember a single thing the old guy did or said.).   Then uptight store owners says, “Yeah, you were right.  We should make this event more light hearted and fun.  Too bad I didn’t realize that earlier before I crushed Jake’s spirit.”  She has another conversation with her invisible angel friend Charlie in the middle of a crowded room which nobody notices because . . . Angel powers I guess.

Charlie then gives her a final parting gift of shoes.  It seems to surprise Noelle that just like the previous 15 pair that Charlie has given her, this one takes her into another reality.  This time she finds out that Will is actually Jake’s doctor brother who apparently thinks saying, “Honey, I’m home!” is like the coolest phrase ever but she’s actually married to Jake!  Then she and Jake have a dance while Charlie makes it snow.  Everyone is surprised and continues dancing.  Hey!!!  Like WTF people!!!  Did nobody here pass any science classes in college?  It’s suddenly snowing INSIDE a goddamn building and you are all like, “Oh wow, that’s cool.”  Has anyone EVER seen it snow before INSIDE a building?  Do you know why?  Because you are INSIDE!  It’s im-frickin-possible!  This is a major physics defying phenomenon and . . . . oh screw it.  They kiss and Merry Christmas everyone!

Even though I’m kind of burned out on Candace and Christmas Movies you can’t deny that she’s got these characters down pat.  She has a soft, loveable, vulnerable charm that makes you wondering things like: How is a super attractive 40+ year old woman with a great personality still single and never married after all these years?  I mean you obviously don’t want a family because your biological clock has pretty much expired.  Are you bipolar?   Well whatever, she’s still got it.  And you could say the same thing about Luke MacFarlane’s character.  Both actors always have good chemistry with their co-stars and this is no exception.  Plus the Christmas Carol influence helped shake up the standard Hallmark Movie formula.  I give this 4 out of 5 stars.

When we meet Charlotte (Maggie Lawson) she is auditioning for a commercial.  It turns out that she’s a struggling actress who has never landed much beyond a few commercials and a couple of television guest appearances.  Through interaction with her roommate we also learn she harbors some animosity against the actor of a Television show her roommate Morgan (Erin Agostino) is trying to watch.  We then learn that the two had previously been part of an acting workshop together (and he’s famous and she’s a nobody so yeah . . . . Hate Him!!!).  Charlotte goes to meet her old friend, Rachel (Sabryn Rock), who wants her to apply for a job at her company.  That way Charlotte would have a steady paycheck, benefits, stability and be closer to her mother and Rachel.  I guess then they would be close enough to go to pilates class together, hang out at the mall, braid each other’s hair, have pillow fights, gossip about coworkers, etc . . . . basically whatever women do with each other these days.  We then learn that Charlotte works at the restaurant they were meeting at and starts her waitressing shift (just another reminder that her acting career ain’t doin so hot).

That evening she meets an older gentleman who tells her there’s a new theater production opening up based on “A Christmas Carol”.  It turns out that “A Christmas Carol” is simply Charlottes FAVORITE story.  And we know that because not a minute earlier there was a 30 second discussion between her and her coworker about her reading it at work and that it’s her favorite book and she reads it every year (Seriously?  How many times can you read the same book repeatedly before it loses its luster?  Because for most people the answer is probably – once.).  The next day while working she runs into Julian (Brennan Elliott) the very same TV actor from her past that she holds in such disdain.  Charlotte is clearly flustered and embarrassed so their interaction is short.  Julian obviously does not share the same animosity and proceeds to contact Charlotte’s agent and recommend she come to the show’s casting call.

While at home we meet one of Morgan’s friends who is celebrating landing the very same commercial gig that Charlotte was hoping to get from the beginning of the movie (Oh, that’s super!  I’m so happy for you!  Normally I’d love to come celebrate with you but unfortunately, I’m planning to hang myself from the ceiling fan tonight.  Have fun!!!).  Charlotte decides to audition for the Christmas Carol production.  When she get there she then learns that Julian is the director she immediately reverses course and refuses to audition because . . . . ummmm . . . its Juuuuulian!!!  It has gradually been revealed that Charlotte’s anger at Julian is from when they both auditioned for a TV show.  Julian went off script and won the lead while Charlotte got passed over.  As she storms off (What, your acting career seems to be floundering?   I don’t understand because you seem soooooo professional.) Julian chases her and asks her “What are you afraid of?” because it would be impolite to shout “Damn betch, don’t be such a pussy!!!” in public (but we all know that’s what he really meant).

Somehow those thought-provoking words help Charlotte reconsider and she returns to do the Audition.  Of course, while we all expect the production staff to be like “Get the hell out of here woman, you had your chance!” instead they are all like “Sure, that’d be great!  Let’s see what you’ve got.” Thus establishing early on that theater people are indeed a bunch of giant wussies.  And, of course, the interpretation that Charlotte brings to the table is exactly the kind of unique re-imagining they wanted the production to take (Yeayyyy!) so Charlotte gets the gig.  Thus begins the main portion of the movie where Charlotte has to spend time with Julian as they work together on the new script and her role.

Julian never comes across as anything but a great guy.  He’s kind, enthusiastic, thoughtful, charming and funny.  It was literally only a matter of time before the two of them are gazing into each other’s eyes, complimenting each other and mixing personal time with business.  They literally could not look any more like a couple if they were holding hands and running barefoot together through the park.  Charlotte is also charismatic and gives her character welcome depth.  When Julian tricks her into going back to the building that housed the acting workshop they both attended, she even admits that she panicked when he started improvising at the audition and she regretted not being able to act with him on the show.  Damn!!!  A woman admitting that she was wrong?  She’s has obviously fallen for him.

To add some tension to the show the stereotypical greedy building owner arrives and announces that he is tearing down the theater after completion of the show.   Waving a gold cane in the air, his black cape flowing in the breeze he twirls his mustache and gives a maniacal laugh before leaving to go pave paradise and put up a parking lot.  So now our heros have both get ready for the show AND save the theater!!!  (DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!)   As the performance nears Julian gets offered a new TV series in LA and Charlotte learns she got the HR or Event Coordinator (or whatever) job she interviewed for at Rachel’s company because, despite having absolutely NO experience or training, she has a great personality.  So while hearing someone “has a great personality” might be an ominous warning when it comes to blind dating, it’s apparently wonderful news when trying to land a job in corporate America.

Heading into the home stretch, Julian has invited Charlotte to his place to discuss his true feelings about her (Julian, you sly dog!!!) so we flip to page 6 of the Christmas Movie trope handbook and insert the arrival of Julian’s ex-costar and tabloid girlfriend.  As expected, Charlotte quickly excuses herself convinced Julian is already involved with someone.  I mean, despite being with him just about 24/7 for the past few weeks, without any calls or texts that would suggest a girlfriend, him saying several times that he wasn’t in a relationship and his being reticent to contact her to help promote the theater on social media . . . if it’s in the Enquirer . . . you KNOW it’s true!!!   Opening night arrives and before the show Julian gives Charlotte and incredibly thoughtful and sentimental gift for luck.  The show is a big success (SURPRISE!!!).  Julian even flies Charlotte’s mother in to watch her perform (awwww). 

At the after party, they talk and find out that each has turned down their opportunities in order to stay in the city.  Before we interpret these gestures and grand sacrifices for love let’s remember that they each THOUGHT the other was leaving town (so lucky break at best).  Also, the evil landowner arrives and announces that he’s changed his mind (Christmas Magic???) and the theater is saved.  IT’S A FESTIVUS MIRACLE!!!!  The party eventually gets too loud to talk so Julian and Charlotte go outside because there’s no better location for an intimate conversation than a busy city sidewalk in downtown New York.  And while I realize that fake snow is a long treasured tradition for movies like these, the incredible amount of soap suds on the street and sidewalk in this final frame can only lead us to believe the city had just recently been attacked by a malevolent race of washing machines.  Here is where they share a pretty anticlimactic kiss and finally embrace their true feelings for each other.

I give this 4 out of 5 stars.  The story gets a bit weak as time goes on but the chemistry between the leads is high level.

Finally, the never before told story of a star who is unhappy and needs to find the meaning of Christmas to realize the direction they want their life to go.  Meet Addy (Becca Tobin) who is a young country music singer who looks like she’s about 19 and is just adorable and Dylan (Kevin McGarry) who looks like a 30 year-old cowboy caricature.  Surprisingly, Becca is actually older that Kevin in real life so . . . there’s that.  Apparently any character named Dylan has to have the exact same hair style as Dylan McKay from Beverly Hills 90210.  If that was the intent then – Mission Accomplished!!!  Let me be upfront, by the end of the movie I had a crush on Becca Tobin.  She carried the movie and was both believable and sympathetic.  As for the Luke Perry wannabe Dylan . . . ehhh . . . enough about him.

So Addy is on her way to . . . I don’t know . . . Nashville maybe (it’s not important) for a Christmas concert.  She also has a fake relationship going on in Social Media with another famous singer.  Her even nemesis is her manager, of course, since we all know that agents and managers are dirty, manipulative people who simply suck the lifeforce out of their clients and leave them on the side of the road once they are no longer prosperous.  Speaking of being left on the side of the road, that EXACT same thing happens to Addy.  When her tour bus leave the Podunk town without her she is forced to take shelter in the home of Hailey and Luke Perry . . . errr . . . Dylan.  Of course she had exchanged some rather terse words with Dylan PRIOR to her abandonment because . . . you know . . . we have to establish that characters don’t get along before they are forced to spend time together and fall in love.  It’s not like you could actually have a little spark with someone right off the bat . . . nooooooo sireee.

So Hailey meets the Lapp Family and by the time her hapless manager realizes he left his meal ticket deep in the heart of pickup truck country she has become enamored with this new family and wants to stay with them longer.  She also finds out that Dylan is a talented musician in his own right who has given up his dream to stay on the family ranch.  While her decision angers the evil manager, he is powerless to stop her . . . at least for now.  The Lapp Family ranch is a dairy ranch that also just happens to sell . . . wait for it . . . CHRISTMAS TREES!!!  Now that Country Music, famous celebrity in disguise and Christmas have all been neatly tied together the real sparks can fly.  And do they as Dylan and Addy share their love of music, Christmas decorating and doing ranch chores.  Dylan tries his best not to fall in love since he knows who she really is and she’ll soon be returning to her busy celebrity life but she’s just too . . . . Becca Tobin for even him to resist.

I must give a shout out to Kendra Leigh Timmons who does a nice job playing Hailey, Dylan’s teenage sister.  Hailey organizes a Christmas Village at the ranch to help sell enough trees to save the Ranch from foreclosure (of course).  Eventually, Hailey discovers who Addy really is because apparently small towns in rural America have a lot of country music fans.  If she had taken shelter with a family in downtown Chicago there’s no telling how many years she could have gone undiscovered.  Just as Hailey confronts Addy, her manager Russell pulls up in his tour bus after having finally tracked her down.  Russell tells Addy that she gets to be on her favorite morning show (teenagers grow up having favorite morning shows?) albeit with her fake boyfriend Country Star #cantrememberhisname #dontcare #notimportant.

Dylan is left heartbroken as Addy leaves but Addy is also conflicted from their time together.  Somebody convinces Dylan he needs to go to Addy because they were so good together (Don’t remember who it was.  Maybe mom, dad, sis, yoda, sparky the talking dog . . . whoever).  Addy goes to her interview on some Good Morning America type show and confesses that she’s not in a relationship with . . . ummm . . . Country Star.  She says she really loves Dylan and thanks his family for helping her find her way.  As she leaves the studio guess who she sees?  Nope, it’s not Jim Carrey but wouldn’t that be so cool???  It’s Dylan who drove all night to wait with a bunch of teenybopper Addy fans out by her tour bus.  Judging by the number of fans though I don’t know if her music career is really gonna be that long.

So now that this is all pretty much wrapped up the only thing left is to save the ranch.  Addy suggests she could do a performance at the ranch to raise the money even though it means cancelling her big Christmas Day performance because apparently it’s against the Country Music Star Prime Directive to actually give or loan money. I mean if she cuts a check then how can she sing in Dylan’s Barn to end the movie?  And perform with him the song that she and Dylan wrote together?  See, it all comes full circle.

I give this movie 4 out of 5 stars because of . . . . Becca “friggin” Tobin.  She and McGarry did have some on-screen chemistry.  And who knows, maybe McGarry’s character was intended to be a douche-ier version of Lyle Lovett and he has some charisma in real life.  If so, tremendous performance Kevin.