Santa's Boots (Spoilers)

I’ll admit, just the title of this movie gave it one strike in my book.  “Santa’s Boots”?  Really?  Have they already reused all the good titles and are farming out the naming of these Holiday Movies to 5^th graders?  The title DOES have a slight connection to the plot but still . . . come on people . . . you can do better!  Santa’s Boots stars Megan Hilty as Holly (of course) Montell, a Wharton Smith graduate and active wear account executive from Seattle.  She’s really super-duper at her job . . . so much so that she has accrued a ton of vacation days and will lose them if not used soon.   To rectify that, her boss orders her home to spend time with her family (Why don’t you take off for Thanksgiving and don’t come back to work until after New Years?).

Holly’s family are the owners of a local department store.  Her best friend, Elle (Patricia Isaac), is the marketing director at Montell’s department store.  In the current push for diversity in these holiday films, Elle is one of the first prominent Indian characters I can recall seeing.  It’s not a huge role and, common with almost all Holiday Movie besties, involves her alerting Holly to the fact that she is in love with her co-star.  Because, just like in real life, no one would ever know they had fallen in love if not for the gentle reminders of their closest friends.

The other half of our holiday pairing is Noah Mills who plays Nick Porter, the co-owner of a tree farm.  We first see Nick hard at work at the tree farm with his Uncle Ralph.  Things seem fine until Uncle Ralph tells Nick he plans to retire after the holiday season and needs to know if Nick is going to take over the business.   Ralph - “No, you can’t have any time to think about it Nick, I need to know RIGHT EFF’N NOW!!!!”  When Nick refuses to immediately claim his position as rightful heir to the throne of Tree Land, Ralph banishes him from the lot until he decides what he wants in life.  The legalities of all this isn’t really explained, suffice it to say that Ralph and Nick’s dad were the ones who started the tree farm so it’s expected that Nick will take it over.  He kisses his girlfriend goodbye (Wait . . . he has a GIRLFRIEND?!?!) and leaves the farm.

Nick’s best friend is Rob, played by Matt Hamilton.  Rob happens to own a Santa Staffing business (his family must be sooooo proud).  I’m not sure how he pays the bills from January to October but he is busy as chit these days.  Rob laments that all his Santa’s are frail and infirm (because they are old men) and his elves are flighty and unreliable (because they are young girls).  Since Nick now has plenty of time in his hands to decide if he wants to assume the mantle of Forest King, he offers to help Rob out by working as one of the Store Santas (You’ll never guess which store he ends up at).

Holly is sitting with Elle’s office with Santa Nick and Cara the elf standing in her doorway.  Elle is OUTRAGED at the youthfulness of Nick and demands an older Santa.  Nick says that none are available but he’s really good with kids (from his vast experience at the Arbor Kingdom).  Elle relents but then realizes Cara is sick and knows the only way to solve this problem is by Holly, the boss’s daughter, assuming the role while Cara recovers.  Additionally, the elf suit is very small and Holly is the only one around who will fit . . . . seriously WHAT!?!?!?   Holly is like twice as thick as Cara and 3 cup sizes bigger.  That outfit should like a friggin’ spandex leotard if Holly tried to wear it . . . . oh . . . . no . . . wait . . . . I’m wrong.   Look, it just so happens to fit perfectly.  It must be Christmas Magic!

So now Nick and Holly are working together to help the dreams of children come true.  They are both nice and affable and quickly develop a bond.  While many of these movies pit the leads against each other with conflicting personalities at the beginning, thankfully we are spared this trope.  Later, when the two Christmas characters take a lunch break, Nick removes his Santa coat to reveal his lanky lumberjack body.  Holly is so taken with the view that she just stares awkwardly for several seconds.  I doubt she could have been more conspicuous in her gaze than if Nick had just been revealed to be a faun (half man, half goat).  So there we have it: two attractive 35 year old adults who get along great and now sex appeal . . . . wham bam thank you ma’am . . . our job is done here right?  Ohhh wait, we still have 90 minutes of movie time to kill.

Holly snoops around Elle’s desk and discovers that sales at the family store are going in the tank (Damn you internet!!!).   Luckily, Holly and Nick are a huge success and bringing in all kinds of business.  They are also bringing in some of the most attractive children and parents you will ever find in a small town.  I don’t know what’s in the water up there but it is working!!!  Elle realizes that Holly is in love because she catches Holly singing along with her (Ah ha, Holly!  Busted!!!).  While at home, Nick is visited by his girlfriend, Jenny (Andrea Brooks) who thinks it’s a good time to break up with him (well, that IS super convenient).  Apparently, they want different things in life.  Jenny has a bunch of new ideas on how to improve the Tree Farm that he’s about to take over and . . . . yeah, I don’t get it either but let’s just move on.   Now that the hot girlfriend is out of the way (and she broke up with him so he’s not even the bad guy), Nick is officially ripe for the picking for our sweet Holly elf.

While working late at night, Nick invites Holly to a Santa bash at a local bar.  By the way, Cara has been back at work for almost a month now.   Why is Holly still doing the elf gig other than because she’s completely and utterly smitten with our good St. Nick?   So, of course, Holly agrees and dresses up in her hottest cocktail dress for the evening (I mean when in a bar with a bunch of old guys wearing Santa outfits you must figure out some way to stand out, right???).  Nick and Holly have some drinks, chat and kiss!!!  But just as it happens, Nick gets an emergency text, apologizes and leaves.  He rushes to the hospital where Uncle Ralph has literally worked himself into the intensive care.

When Nick doesn’t show up to work, Holly starts to panic.  Apparently, in the month of working together (during and after hours) and meeting up at the bar not ONCE have they exchanged texts, called each other or even bothered to learn each other’s last names.  Now I’m really starting to think this is more of a summer crush than true love.  Luckily BFF Elle concocts a plan to find Nick.  Nick left his work/Santa boots at the store to be repaired (see how the title ties in) and Elle devises a way to use them to locate Nick . . . by creating a big Cinderella like boot fitting for everyone in the Kingdom.  Brilliant right?  Well, brilliant might be too strong of a term . . . . so how about . . . utterly and completely idiotic?  

Cinderella was a fairy tale that would only make an ounce of sense if Cinderella either had freakishly large or tiny feet.  Let’s say Nick was a standard size 11 shoe.  How many guys would have to try on those boots before the odds were that one of them would be the same size?  5 guys? 6?  And what do they win?  A prize?  Cash?  The boots?  What is the whole point to this?  Chances are that Nick will eventually come back and get his boots anyways making this a complete waste of time.  But hey . . . the movie IS called Santa’s Boots ya know so . . . . let’s go with it!!!

I forgot to mention that a large retail chain has offered to buy Montell’s.   Holly researches the offer by talking to an executive at another store previously acquired and has discovered that being purchased by Wincoff Retail is a soul stealing and heart blackening experience for all those involved . . . but the money is good if you are an owner.  Based on this and a discussion with her father about the welfare of Montell’s employees, Holly recommends that Dad sells (WTF?!?!).   Meanwhile, at the hospital, Nick has a similar conversation with Uncle Ralph and suggests that he give the farm to Jenny (WTF!?!?).  Is Ralph just going to sign over the deed and the business over to Jenny for nothing?  Is she just going to run the business on behalf of Nick and Ralph?  Is she supposed to come up with the money necessary to buy out the Porters?  And sweet old Holly just couldn't care less about the employees of her family’s business (some of whom are her best friends)?  Wow . . . . that escalated quickly.

While leaving the hospital from an Uncle Ralph visit, Nick runs into Holly’s grandmother who demands that Nick attend the annual Christmas Eve Ball as her guest.  When Nick arrives at the ball he finds a station where complete strangers have been allowed to try on his favorite boots (sounds pretty hygienic) for the past week.  Nick then hear’s Holly’s dad announce that he is selling the company . . . errr . . . Holly will be the new store CEO (see what happens when you give someone 40 days of vacation around the holidays?  They take another job!).  Nick arrives in the ballroom and dances with Holly, they kiss and tell how they feel about each other; never once mentioning his boots which pretty much proves that, other than for the title, the secondary boot story was completely pointless and irrelevant to the film's plot.  The last scene is Nick with Holly’s family on Christmas morning.  We assume that this means they are finally ready to take the next step in their relationship . . . . exchanging phone numbers.

I didn’t expect much from this movie given its ridiculous title.  There wasn’t any great spark between the leads but they were both pleasant and appealing enough.  The behavior and direction of the main characters made it seem more like a potential crush than a burgeoning, lifetime romance.  Still, sometimes a growing fondness is more believable than a whirlwind and impassioned fling.  I would describe this movie as forgettable (except for the stupid name) but enjoyable.  I give it a 3 out of 5.